“People pleaser”—I’ve worn this title for too long. 

In fact, eventually, it began to feel less like a title and more like an identity. 

I mean, was that really such a bad thing?

The mixed messaging was maddening. One one hand, they tell you that people pleasing is wrong and talk about pleasing God rather than man. On the other hand, they tell you that people pleasing is simply not being a stumbling block, honoring authority, being empathetic or discerning. 

The first one had little impact and the latter attached itself like a ball and chain. 

Don’t get me wrong. I will not put all the blame on these teachings. I most certainly had a bent toward people pleasing, even as a child. 

Naturally, I do not like others to be upset with me and definitely had no interest in hurting others for sport. 

However, the combination of my nature, my childhood experiences, and well intentioned (but misguided) teachings led to the chronic people pleaser I became. 

For most of my life, I have worried about what others thought about me. This led to me not standing on truth, and my values, in friend groups because I didn’t want to rock the boat or be ostracized. 

When I did fold, or keep my mouth shut, I received critiques for not standing my ground or holding to the authority’s boundaries for my life. Yet, when I tried to speak truth to a sticky situation or voice a dissenting viewpoint I was told not to show that side of myself and to stand back for fear of hurting someone else. 

My life was a contradiction. 

In some ways, I was learning to speak truth to power no matter who was the authority. My allegiance was to God—He was my supreme authority.  

But, in other ways, I was learning that speaking truth or my strong opinion was dangerous, unwise, or even just unnecessary. 

Can you feel the tension? 

In some ways, I reflect on my past actions and am pleased with my ability to stand for right. In other ways, I mourn allowing my people pleasing to shut my mouth, when I now wonder what might have happened should I have spoken up. 

Well, now, I’m done. 

I’m done worrying what other people might think about my choices before the Lord. 

I will not longer seek to please my peers, or authority figures, before answering the Lord’s call—no matter how great or how small.  

I refuse to stay quiet about what I strongly believe to be Bible truth simply because it is not popular or can be misunderstood.

If truth is dangerous—consider me an outlaw. 

It is now my mission to speak the truth…to be content in who I am. I am determined to be free—free in Christ. 

As I continue to hide my identity in the shadow of the Almighty…everything else falls away. 

He encourages me to have empathy, be discerning, to show love and grace, while seeking to be a peacemaker. 

But here is a distinction I have learned that I find so valuable. 

I can be a peace maker without having to be a peace keeper. 

A peace keeper does whatever it takes to keep everyone around them in a peaceful state. This could look like staying quiet when they feel the tug of the Spirit, or leaving truth left unsaid for fear of offense. 

A peace maker does whatever it takes to let peace reign in their life and the life of those around them. This could look like saying that difficult truth with kindness despite the offense it brings, or proclaiming the truth they are discovering despite the backlash they may receive. Why? Because for peace to reign in the life of those they speak to, truth has to be preeminent. 

A life of peace without truth is not peace at all. It is a facade. A plastic flower full of potential yet without the life and sweet scent.  

So, where do I go from here? I have decided to take what I have learned and apply it to how I speak truth, how I respond to criticisms, and how I show up in the world around me. 

It is possible! It is possible to love peace, love others, and live in truth. 

Some may not understand and that is okay—inevitable even.

My favorite childhood book is “You are special” by Max Lucado. In this story, little wooden people called “Wemmicks” walk around giving each other stars or dots. Stars are for those who are beautiful or talented. Dots are for those who are not. 

One Wemmick had been trying to earn just one star but every time he tries it only leads to everyone giving him more dots. 

One day, he meets a Wemmick with no stars. But, she has no spots either. It is something he has never seen before and he eagerly asks her how she can possibly have no marks based on the opinions of others. 

She tells him that she has been spending time with their Creator, the Great Carpenter, and not only do the stars and dots no longer stick to her but the old marks have since fallen off completely.

That Wemmick—Lucia—is who I strive to be. That’s the goal. Such a clear picture of my identity before the Creator that although they try, the opinions of others hold no true weight against who I am. 

In the Carpenter’s workshop, I am free—no longer a slave to the opinions of others. Not a people pleaser—simply a person with a purpose.