Several months ago I asked my friends on Instagram for blog post ideas. One suggestion that came through said this… “What did it look like for you personally finding out what you believe in for yourself aside from everyone else/any institution in your life?” 

Wow. This is such a good question. The answer would require pages of story that include a rollercoaster of emotions. Because, to be honest, I feel like the answer is my entire life’s story. 

However, I will attempt to offer important points that aid in the journey toward finding a personal faith. 

Before I begin, I want to emphasize that this applies to those who are saved, were most likely raised in the church, and then found themselves having to “fly out of the nest” but realizing that everything they touted as their religion was mainly given to them by their parents, pastors, teachers, or spiritual authorities in one way or another. 

The reality is they may believe everything these mentors taught them but somewhere deep down….they suspect they may not. 

Maybe they heard a hermeneutical breakdown of a particular passage that shook a core theological belief they held onto for years. 

Maybe they heard a pastor from another denomination pose a question they can’t seem to shake and definitely don’t have an answer for. 

Maybe a friend was spiritually abused by a pastor and, even though they couldn’t deny the reality of the abuse, they till found themselves making excuses for it.

Maybe a sibling that they thought believed everything they did decided to abandon their faith raising questions that hit them at the core—after all, they went through the same valleys in their childhood. 

Maybe they invited a lost friend into their church environment just to be shocked by the judgment this friend received and when the friend decides not to come back again they wonder if this is the church Jesus hoped would represent His love to the world.

Maybe they saw physical abuses excused, covered up, or even saw the blame being shifted…maybe they were the abused and they wonder if the religion they held onto had a part to play in all of it….or was Jesus Himself to blame? 

You see, the church (or religious) experiences we find ourselves in as young people, often shape how we view the Savior. This is not abnormal at all. But what is, is when the Jesus in your religion starts to contradict the Scripture that was written about Him. 

When it all falls apart is when you have questions that are still rooted in Scripture but they are dismissed as arrogance, rebellion, or weakness. When you decide to gain some courage and defend the Jesus you read about in your Bible and you are met with immense opposition, you really only have two options—abandon Him or discover Him all over again. 

Most of us probably know someone who abandoned Him. Maybe even mentioning this, cuts deep. I am truly so very sorry. May the Lord draw them back to Him through His manifold kindness and grace. Amen.

But, if you’re still reading this, I’m going to assume you find yourself at the crossroads. I hope you are here because you are trying to rediscover this Jesus in which you find perplexing beauty—I hope you’re reconstructing.

My suggestions will enter the conversation here—at the crossroads. 

May I start by saying, I’m proud of you! I’m proud of you for being strong enough to see such wickedness from sinful man all around you and still say “I have decided to follow Jesus”. Yet, even more so, I am immensely proud of you for being so in tune with the Spirit that you are not willing to accept anything less than the Jesus of the Bible—as He truly is. 

What you likely have encountered throughout your life was a counterfeit to some degree. This leads me into point one. 

#1 – Read the Bible for yourself

Don’t take what anyone else says about the Bible, or your faith, as truth without exercising critical thinking and personal study. Don’t read the Bible at face value and assume you know what is being communicated. One of the singular best things I heard on this topic was that “the Bible is not a manual”. Often times I would read the Bible looking for one verse to directly apply to my day and move on. Wow, I was leaving so much food on my plate—in fact all I consumed was the glass of milk. 

What I needed to do was read the Bible for what it was saying to the audience of its time. What was the context, original language definitions, culture of the audience, what was the writing style of the passage, and how does it fit into the entirety of Scripture. I began using tools like blueletterbible.org, the Bible project, and other commentary. I sought out pastors or spiritual leaders who actually broke down the passages instead of simply reading a verse and creating a theology off of it. 

In short, I became a Berean. 

You may be thinking, “Well that’s easy for you. You went to Bible college”. You want to know something funny? I didn’t learn most of this there. I have an elementary education degree. I learned by asking my husband how to study the Scripture correctly. I also learned how to break down passages by listening to pastors who did just that. I sought out the knowledge not because I had to but because I wanted to! 

Let me tell you. When you begin this journey, you won’t want to go back. I have never been so interested in the Scripture and it has come to mean more to me now than ever before. Turns out that reading the text as it is intended reaps great reward in our lives. 

#2 – Practice intellectual humility

As you discover different truths about Scripture that contradict what you were raised to believe and you find that the pastors you were raised under were hermeneutically incorrect, remain humble. 

I would not recommend bounding into anyone’s office, blasting hot takes on social media, or throwing shade at your family and friends. This is a time to understand that we all have our blind spots and some people, unfortunately, are unwilling to learn or change. 

Communicating the things you have learned ought to be done with grace—truth and love. It takes patience, deep understanding for their point of view, and fighting for the relationship through it all. 

Winning arguments isn’t why Jesus came but souls are. We need to treat each soul with the full fruit of the Spirit. We need to be Spirit-filled communicators. 

The best gospel representation is the one we preach with our lives—our testimony. You aren’t out of time. God is the One who wins hearts. 

Also, remember not to become what you are coming out of. Don’t become stubborn, cocky, or abrasive in your knowledge. Above all, be willing to change your mind in light of “new” realizations of truth in Scripture. Practice inviting others to grow with you. 

#3 – Be loud where the Bible is loud 

Another way to say this is, “don’t major on the minors”. 

By way of example, if you teach that women wearing pants is a sin and preach about it with as much fervor as the deity and blood Jesus, what does it communicate when our modesty standards change? When the teenage girl who is forbidden to wear pants to youth activities is now being told she must wear pants to an ice rink activity for modesty sake….

If you place your conviction about modesty at the same level as your salvation, then when that conviction changes at all and someone notices the inconsistency in your beliefs you are forced to either buckle down on your conviction being a core tenant of theology or you are threatening the unwavering truth of the gospel.

This is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to placing personal convictions at the same level as core tenants of theology. 

They ought to be separate. So, stand unwavering on the core tenants and hold loosely to your convictions. Because, if you’re anything like me, your convictions may change over time. And guess what, that’s ok!  It may even be healthy.

#4 – Be okay with “I don’t know”

You are growing! That’s good. But, with that comes uncertainty. Embrace that. 

One of the best things you can do when making your faith your own is accepting that no one knows it all. As my mentor says “A wrestling faith is a growing faith”. I am convinced there will always be things I don’t know. There will be things I wrestle with but “the call to faith is the call to adventure”. Faith only promises the next step and I have to learn to be okay with that. 

The beauty is that my faith is sure. Even if it’s just one step at a time, I am grateful that I will be stepping on a stone and not a lily pad, because my faith is as sure as my Savior. He is trustworthy and therefore my faith is secure in Him. 

We are often encouraged to be like children. As a child, who knows very little but has faith in their parent, trust that He knows what we do not. If we run to Him, our uncertainty is not a threat. 

If Jesus was not threatened by questions we don’t need to be either. 

#5 – Eliminate your echo chamber 

If you only surround yourself with one perspective how do you expect to grow? Growth requires resistance. 

If you believe that the Bible is the one true story of the one true God, then, what do we have to fear? Any push back or resistance against our perspective will do one of two things…either illuminate the truth we hold to, or, it will eliminate the impurities in our understanding. 

I have personally experienced both.

If we allow ourselves to fear lies how can we claim to have all truth? Truth fears nothing!

#6 – Invite God to speak to you personally 

One of the greatest lessons I have ever learned was how to listen to the voice of the Spirit. He was sent to be our Helper and yet so many Christians walk around without tapping into this resource. 

Our Father is not a distant and cold God. He is a personal and loving God who fiercely pursues His creation in an effort to establish deep personal relationship. 

Invite God to show up in your life in personal ways. Pray for things that only you and Him know about. When He answers, they will be such sweet whispers of acknowledgement from the Father. 

Sit in silence after prayer to see if you will find something impressed upon your heart—maybe a word, a passage of Scripture, a song or a quote. The stories I have on this are beautiful! 

I could say so much more on this topic but arguably this is the most important point out of the six. The Spirit is our guide into all truth. If that is so, we ought to pursue relationship with Him with fervor. For in Him lies the answer. 

When everything around you feels like a lie, hearing the Spirit’s still small voice will be your lifeline—your guide to Truth. 

Herein lies the secret to a personal faith—a personal relationship with Him. When you have that, no man or institution can gaslight you, coerce you, or manipulate you. You know in Whom you have believed and He will remind you, with His still small voice, exactly who He is.