The change in my approach to friendship was not overnight. It was more like a muscle. I had to work it out over and over again. And, in truth, sometimes it was painful. 

I wrote about success stories but some were not successful. Some were short lived or not good fits. But, this is all part of the process. 

The focus can’t be on the ones we lose but on the ones we gain. We have to focus on who we become in the process—the friend ‘we’ become. 

Who I am today looks a lot more like the little girl on the playground asking others to be her friend. It is free, joyful, open handed, and excited. 

Today, I look forward to what could be, rather than focusing on what may not be. Today, I readily welcome others into our lives, wondering if they may just be the next person to mean more than we could even anticipate. Today, I no longer consider myself an introvert because I have decided that giving is more blessed than receiving. 

You see, that was the problem. I expected friendship to serve me. I saw my friends as something that ought to benefit my life. Of course, I sought to bless my friends and love them well but that came after they proved their investment in my life. How selfish.

Now, my perspective has shifted. I approach others with generosity and love. I seek to give friendship regardless of the return on investment. Now, I seek to serve others because that’s who ‘I am’.

I used to always consider myself an introvert. In fact, this label often held me back from being the person I just described. It hovered over me and gave me a way to justify my selfishness and pride. If I considered myself “introverted” or “shy” then I didn’t have to step out in love for others, putting my feelings out there, with the fear that I would look like a fool. You see, my identity wasn’t secure as an introvert. It was still dependent on what others thought of me. Remember that people pleaser I was? Yeah, it just had a new face. 

Now, I actively reject the identity of “introvert”. It is not a bad word and if I am asked to choose between introvert and extrovert I can honestly say I have more of a bent toward one, but I do not claim it as a label over my life. 

Why? Because I am a daughter of the King. I seek to be more like Him every day and my God is a friend. He extends His hand in love and generosity. He pursues us. 

Allow me to share a story of the day this all clicked for me. 

I was invited to my friend’s baby shower. I was very nervous! In truth, I almost didn’t want to go because I knew I would be the only one there who didn’t know anyone. The only people I would know was the expectant parents and they would be way too busy to make me feel comfortable at all times. 

So, I had a decision to make. I could be my old “introverted” self and remain a wallflower—kind to anyone who approached me but not put myself out there or invest into getting to know anyone new. Or, I could be an “extrovert” and pursue conversation and friendship with others in attendance. I could make them feel welcome even though they probably knew more people there than I did.

I decided on the later. I mean, they didn’t know I was an introvert, right? I decided to give it a try sort of like an actress putting on a different personality. I was curious what could become of it. 

I entered the shower and found it hard to begin. I immediately sunk into the wallflower type state but then I decided to sit at the table with the majority of the guests instead of in a lonely chair by myself. This is when things shifted. 

I sat in the middle of the table and began actively getting to know those sitting directly around me. Fortunately for me, I was sitting next to a clearly extroverted individual that made my efforts less work. The conversation was going so well (to my surprise) that I ended up inviting the three people sitting directly around me to a holiday party I was hosting at my house. To my shock, the couple (two out of the three) said YES!

That wasn’t even the coolest part to me. The coolest part was that, in the course of conversation, the topic wandered to who was an introvert and who was an extrovert. They decided it would be fun to guess which I was. They guessed EXTROVERT! I was shocked and giddy with excitement. It worked! Introvert wasn’t inherently something I was bound to because of my biology. It was a choice. I had stepped out of my supposed nature to show true care for those around me and they recognized that in me, verbalizing it through that guess. 

This changed everything for me.